Been a long time, I shouldn't have left you.....

I had given up the idea of blogging but all these thoughts are taking up too much brain space. I kinda use diaperswappers, thebabywearer and Facebook as mini-blogs, but that isn't working out too well. For a while a blog, or um, long thought? paragraph? essay? I dunno, but this idea has been just following me around. I almost made a whole new titled blog, but it just doesn't seem right.
See, I have this thing in my head, "Crunchy mama squishing through a soggy town" or something. But I realized, my town or county isn't really terribly soggy, I just haven't made the effort to hunt out my fellow noisemakers. Some of it is out of laziness, but most is the fact that DS5 hates the car, I drive DH to and from his 2 FT jobs daily, and the other DS', I share custody with and I do all the driving to and fro to homeschool 2 and take the other 2 to school. So, it doesn't leave much time for anything else. There are LLL mtgs, EC-ing support groups and BW-ing meet-ups, etc within 45 minutes of me on the regular. None are in my direct town, though. Some are relatively close, but never at a time where I am not needed elsewhere.
So, I do feel like I am sloshing around, aimlessly, alone. I have wonderfully crunchy friends online and 2 of my neighbors have some similar views. But wow, is it different this time around. 17 years ago when I began this journey, I didn't know what kind of mom I wanted to be. I was flailing about and doing things by instinct or by what people told me to do. Breastfeeding, babywearing and cloth diapering were a no-brainer and the family bed followed within days of my 1st coming home from the hospital. Gradually, people telling me what to do faded and instinct won out. By the time my 2nd arrived, 14 months later, I started to get involved in LLL. Then came no-vax, whole food and their co-ops, homeopathy, no-circ, wooden toys, homeschooling and so forth were a part of our every day life. The cool thing about it was there were a ton of like-minded moms all around. We had monthly LLL meetings and additional co-ops. I had playdates with other moms...it all felt so natural and right. My family thought I was crazy, but that's another blog ;)
Now. now, I have kids in public school who drink energy drinks, play video games and watch TV, etc, etc, etc...blech blech blech. I don't have a lot of say between them getting older and making their own decisions and sharing custody. Most of my RL friends all have teens or have moved away. Out of more than 10 babies in my church, I am the only one who wears my son all the time. Another mama does on occasion. And everyone seems so shocked, "he won't be in that thing much longer" (um, he's only 8 months old and it goes to 45 lbs). I feel sad seeing the babies just sitting alone in the buckets and the parents lugging their 20 lb babies in them! I can dance, raise my hands and sing, all the while, lovey bear is happy and tied on me, safe and snuggly.
I try to talk to some of the ladies, but, I am just getting back into this church (again, another blog, another day) and I feel like I am being overbearing. So, I don't say anything or I do and feel like it comes off wrong. I have this thing called, "absence of filter" which affects the way my brain and mouth work together. They don't. That is why this post and all others will be random, honest, and, maybe head-scratching. Stay tuned if you dare.

2nd class citizens....

Children. They aren't. It's amazing what people can do to children just because they don't have a voice. Now before anyone starts ranting, I will say, I am a strict mama. I am all for discussing consequences, etc, but in the end, me=mama=boss. However, I don't impose random will on them for the sake of societal *norms* or my convenience....or maybe I do sometimes :(. I know I have in the past, but this "with age comes wisdom" thing seems to be working somewhat.
What got me thinking on this, is one of my forums has a constant debate on whether or not to circ your boys. Surprising that there is even a debate on this particular website since it supports more "natural-style parenting". Not totally crunchy, but not mainstream either. I am thinking of just a few that are affecting this current pregnancy.
My 1st 2 boys are circumsized. I didn't *know* there was another choice with my 1st, back then, insurance covered it and I wasn't as into the alternative parenting scene. I did family bed, breastfeeding and cloth diapering, but I was just getting started in this journey (I am not excusing my behavior!). I think the docs asked and the (now ex) husband was like, "I want him to look like me". With my 2nd, my Xh insisted the boy be circ'd bc his brother was. Huh. With the 3rd, he was born at home and xh thought for sure he was a girl, so no argument. I wasn't going to take my gently-birthed boy to a hospital to get sliced. In the time from the 1st circ til now, I have really learned and changed my views, or at least had my eyes opened. I've done the research, read the stories, etc, etc. The horror of it to me is that it is a cosmetic (PAINFUL) procedure that the baby has NO say in. Hmmm....I was sickened when I saw cliterectomies performed on girls in Africa on TV. How is it any different to subject my son to that? Granted, the environment was more sterile, etc. But age shouldn't matter. It should have been my 2 sons CHOICE not mine or their dad's. Yes, I have and will have to make choices for them that they aren't equipped to make, but that was not one that HAD to be made at the time. One mama puts in her signature on a forum, "mama to 4, ALL intact" meaning the daughters and sons. That said something to me that boys deserve to keep their foreskins, just as girls have a right to their clitoris!
Another thing that is done without thought to the baby, but more to the convenience of the mother, doctor, work schedules, etc, is things that take place in utero. Take inductions for example. Usually done at the request of the mother, convenience of the doctor, etc. Did anyone ask the baby if they baby was ready? Babies start to make hormones at the end of pregnancy to ripen the cervix for labor. So they *know* when it is their time to be born and begin to prepare their passage. Many women don't trust their bodies, sadly. Do they not trust the babies as well?
Also using things like dopplers instead of fetoscopes. The fact that there is even a "theoretical risk" is enough for me to want to stay away from it unless it is medically indicated! The times we have allowed it to be used on this baby, she went crazy, she moved about in an erratic manor and her HR was really high the last time- it took a while to find it. No more. It made us almost cry....as her parents we knew it was upsetting her! But moms like to hear it, docs find it easy, so that's how it will stay, I suppose. Same for sonos. When people get mad that I don't get a sono so that THEY know what sex the baby is....wtf? For YOUR curiosity, I should subject my baby and MY body to ultrasound waves? Who is to say I would even tell them the sex if I knew it anyway?
Technology (and "progress") isn't always a good thing...I mean, you are being subjected to my rant bc of the internet, right?

Labor (?) songs...

For months now, I have been working on song lists of music I want to hear during my "easy birthing time" (which is hypno-baby speak for labor!). At times, it has frustrated me! Mostly bc I have a crappy MP3 player (less than a gig, I think!) and DH's nice one doesn't behave well as far as making playlists. So, I have finally made a "birthday slow jams" one on my MP3, deleting everything else off of there, and a "birthday beats & hypnobabies" one on DH's. Then I saved them on both laptops and made a few CDs, lol. The songs change though, I keep finding more I like, and taking some away.
Anyway, I was looking at my list and some of the titles were very appropriate for birth! "Don't forget to breathe" and "The Mating Game" from Bittersweet were ones that 1st caught my eye. "Mercy" from Duffy made me laugh, and just yesterday, I realized that "No Air" (Glee version) was on there...."tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air"- that can sum up feelings of breathlessness in pregnancy AND labor.
So, that's my silly post. I wasn't going for songs that would have double meanings, etc, these just popped up!

1st entry.........why blog now?

So, my husband started a silly blog the other day and it got me to thinking. I love to write and have kind of used MySpace and Facebook to blog, or at least to share my random thoughts with whomever chooses to read. I was thinking of a title, and this morning, as I was trying to get back to sleep, this came to me. "The blossoming of BlueDaisyMa". Why this title? Well, my mom always called me her "blue daisy" which was her way of saying I was a bit different than my 7 siblings. So, recently, I started using that as my username on various sites. I added the "ma" part, because that is a huge part of who I am...who I have always wanted to be. Why "the blossoming" part?? That is multi-faceted. Being 7 months pregnant, I am literally blossoming and growing every day!! This year I turn 40 and the past 2 yrs have been a pivotal, sometimes painful, point in my life. I found the love of my life on a little online tv show forum and from there, my life exploded. I came to life and started to, again, blossom!
So here I am, growing a new life as I approach my 40's, nurture the lives I grew in my 20s (my 4 sons), figuring out who I am and what I stand for, all the while blossoming under the love I never thought really existed....until now.
This blog will most likely (at least for the next 3 months) be about the little one pinging around inside me and whatever hormone-driven random thoughts come from this pregnancy. I will also most likely blog about stuff like attachment parenting, baking, homeschooling, and semi-crunchy parenting.
Hope you enjoy, feel free to comment!