Been a long time, I shouldn't have left you.....

I had given up the idea of blogging but all these thoughts are taking up too much brain space. I kinda use diaperswappers, thebabywearer and Facebook as mini-blogs, but that isn't working out too well. For a while a blog, or um, long thought? paragraph? essay? I dunno, but this idea has been just following me around. I almost made a whole new titled blog, but it just doesn't seem right.
See, I have this thing in my head, "Crunchy mama squishing through a soggy town" or something. But I realized, my town or county isn't really terribly soggy, I just haven't made the effort to hunt out my fellow noisemakers. Some of it is out of laziness, but most is the fact that DS5 hates the car, I drive DH to and from his 2 FT jobs daily, and the other DS', I share custody with and I do all the driving to and fro to homeschool 2 and take the other 2 to school. So, it doesn't leave much time for anything else. There are LLL mtgs, EC-ing support groups and BW-ing meet-ups, etc within 45 minutes of me on the regular. None are in my direct town, though. Some are relatively close, but never at a time where I am not needed elsewhere.
So, I do feel like I am sloshing around, aimlessly, alone. I have wonderfully crunchy friends online and 2 of my neighbors have some similar views. But wow, is it different this time around. 17 years ago when I began this journey, I didn't know what kind of mom I wanted to be. I was flailing about and doing things by instinct or by what people told me to do. Breastfeeding, babywearing and cloth diapering were a no-brainer and the family bed followed within days of my 1st coming home from the hospital. Gradually, people telling me what to do faded and instinct won out. By the time my 2nd arrived, 14 months later, I started to get involved in LLL. Then came no-vax, whole food and their co-ops, homeopathy, no-circ, wooden toys, homeschooling and so forth were a part of our every day life. The cool thing about it was there were a ton of like-minded moms all around. We had monthly LLL meetings and additional co-ops. I had playdates with other moms...it all felt so natural and right. My family thought I was crazy, but that's another blog ;)
Now. now, I have kids in public school who drink energy drinks, play video games and watch TV, etc, etc, etc...blech blech blech. I don't have a lot of say between them getting older and making their own decisions and sharing custody. Most of my RL friends all have teens or have moved away. Out of more than 10 babies in my church, I am the only one who wears my son all the time. Another mama does on occasion. And everyone seems so shocked, "he won't be in that thing much longer" (um, he's only 8 months old and it goes to 45 lbs). I feel sad seeing the babies just sitting alone in the buckets and the parents lugging their 20 lb babies in them! I can dance, raise my hands and sing, all the while, lovey bear is happy and tied on me, safe and snuggly.
I try to talk to some of the ladies, but, I am just getting back into this church (again, another blog, another day) and I feel like I am being overbearing. So, I don't say anything or I do and feel like it comes off wrong. I have this thing called, "absence of filter" which affects the way my brain and mouth work together. They don't. That is why this post and all others will be random, honest, and, maybe head-scratching. Stay tuned if you dare.